It’s an interesting concept, letting someone go because it is the best thing for them. It’s happened a lot lately and I guess you never understand until you have to let someone go yourself.
It was easy to stay mad at him in the beginning. Honestly, a lot of things happened that made it incredibly easy to hate him. I never wanted to talk to him again. Never wanted to see him again. Never wanted to run into him again. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted a chance to live my life the way he had a chance to move on with his.
It was easy at first. You come up with all these excuses for why you should hate him. There’s about a million and one of them.
Then you talk to him and everything comes crashing down because as much as you would like to be mad at him, you can’t. He’s a great guy. He’s doing what he needs to do. Sometimes though, it is so much easier to know that they are a butthole for lack of a better word. Knowing they still care, knowing they did care makes it that much harder in my book.
The hardest part though, is realizing that you are that person to someone else and coming to the terms that you are holding them back from the life they should be able to experience. Realizing that you have been the person you’ve been hating for almost a year. Coming to terms with the realization that at the end of the day, you have to let them go so that they can be a better person. So that you can be a better person.
Sometimes loving someone is letting them go. I never understood that until here recently and suddenly I am getting an overdose of it. Now, I am realizing that while it might hurt now and while it might hurt for a little while, it will be better in the long run.
Things I’m grateful for:
1) The sunshine. Today was one of those days when I really needed the sunshine to be out and it has been a beautiful day in Tuscaloosa.
2) Getting older. I think in many ways college has changed me. I’ve heard all of my life that college is the best years of your life. I haven’t experienced all the things that make it that yet, but I have experienced some of finding out who I am and what I need to do.
3) Finals. I know this is weird but the way I’m looking at it, the sooner I get done with finals the sooner I go home.
4) Not working. I’ve decided for the most part to not work during Christmas break. I have been running 180 mph since school began (and even before then) and I am hoping to get a little break.
5) The ability to write. I know that sounds cocky and a little odd but honestly, I have realized not everyone can do it. I’m thankful for the ability because, it allows me to go back. It allows me to recollect on the things that are written in pen that can’t be erased. They are there forever, and no amount of white out can erase it.