When "Caring" Becomes Fighting Their Battles  

Posted by: Cameon in , , , , , , , ,

At the age of 18 we are allowed to vote, attend college, enlist in the military, and ultimately are referred to as "adults." That is the way its been for years. The age of what an adult is has grown over the years and it apparently is now. Apparently now, we aren't adults until we are 21 or older.

If your questioning what has made me write this I'll tell you real quick. And it surprisingly has nothing to do with the speech Obama gave the night before...or mostly anyway. No, this has to do with a little thing I like to called Facebook, a joke gone bad, and people digging into other people's business.

Sounds like the story of "Mount" Cody from Alabama Football huh?

A buddy of mine was joking when he posted a comment that said me and my ex hanging out was awkward. I put "yeah..." because it had been with the information I'd been given previously by his mom while he was gone. (The ex has been away in the Army for a while now.) Edward's intent was to put "He looks like a pedophile haha," but he couldn't remember how to spell it so he put rapist. It was a joke. Sarcasm. It was Edward being Edward. Now granted, it wasn't appropriate in some ways and not really funny, but everyone says things they mean as jokes that aren't taken as such. Still, I tried removing the comment before i left to go to a celebration dinner with my family.

This apparently did not work because I received a message from the exes mother not long after saying "I want that comment removed immediately. I would hope I have not misjudged your character in thinking that you are a good person." As I said before, I had planned to remove it, but the fact that someone, besides my parents, was telling me to remove something on MY Facebook ticked me off. I got online and told her as much, but also mentioned that I was at dinner and would have to do it when I got home.

And this is when the cat starts swings from the fan.

While at dinner, I am constantly receiving notifications about comments that she has left. They range from comments about my character to his character to her calling a 17 year old names. She then proceeds to email me after I have obviously not responded to her comments. Apparently because I could not be in two places at once I'm a bad person. Then, she forwards me a message attacking Edward and mentioning the "christian way" (this will come into play later). But apparently one to me wasn't enough because she would go onto send two more. One of those contains the line, "What if he goes and gets his foll self killed? Will you say, 'Well that's OK because he looked like a rapist?' " At this point, I am raging with anger at the fact that one, this woman has the audacity to refer to my character during this while she is throwing names and sinking to the level of a 17 year old, and two, at the fact that I have not been able to celebrate this special occasion with my family for such a stupid reason. Mainly for the reason that someone didn't like her son. Mainly because he used his 1st Amendment right and voiced his opinion and she didn't like the opinion.

I removed the comment, but as I've thought about it more I can't believe I did. I got to thinking about a few things.

"He looks like a rapist." Well, yeah, he does. Because don't people that rape innocent people look like normal people? Aren't they teachers, dads, moms, preachers, doctors or whatever else? Aren't they normal people with normal looks? They have brown hair, blond hair, blue eyes, green eyes, all the things that make people people...just like you and me. We all look like rapists. You, me, the guy next door all look like the rapist that might be down the street. We all share common characteristics with the people that are so evil. That's life. That's how it is.

"Christian values." Now it's funny, and terribly ironic, because during this visit this particular son and mother referred to his former ex as a cow. Yep. The farm animal that is very large and produces milk. And, I might be wrong, but I don't think they are talking about the similarity to produce milk when they compared them. Not to mention the judging of this young man that made a bad joke one time. Call me crazy, but I thought the Bible said God was the only one who couldn't judge. And then there are the lies. That's right...lies. The deceit, story telling, imaginative "facts" that were told to me about her son and his feelings for me, and vice verse, because she doesn't like the girl he's with now. I know lying and deceiving are in the Bible...somewhere. In her letter to me Edward she says "The christian way which I'm sure you know nothing about," as if you aren't a Christian, you are automatically a bad person. Really? I know tons of people that don't go to church, pray, or anything else that are amazing people. In fact, they seem to be more real and WAY less hypocritical than those "church goes" I know. (And Edward is a Christian by the way).

I understand being his mom and wanting to protect him. But here's the thing...he's almost 21 years old! He has to be able to stand up for himself, fight his own battles, and make his own decisions at some point. She mentioned if my mom wouldn't be mad if someone said I looked like a hooker. And yes, she would be at first, but then she would probably laugh, and then let me take care of it. But not before telling me I was a beautiful, classy girl of course, and what they think doesn't matter. Much like last night when you, Mrs. Smith*, were insulting me and destroying the family celebration, my mother was very ticked off, but she said she would let me handle it. Mainly because she knows she has to let me fight my own battles or I'll never learn how to stand up for myself. She also knows that calling the other person's parents or grandparents isn't ideal. Especially when you lie again about it.

There is a fine line between being overprotecting and caring. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like your son. We all have to learn and be let go at some point. Maybe it's time you let your 20 (almost 21) year old fight his battles and make his own decisions and mistakes. Advice is always welcome, taking over isn't. And because you took over, and because you had a lack of faith and trust in me, you cost your son a relationship/friendship he seemed to value quite a lot. A relationship that you seemed to value for him. Not to mention, nights that neither one of us can get back. And it all could have been avoided with faith, trust, and realizing that I am not superwoman.

I encourage comments. I encourage feedback. However, this is the last thing that will be mentioned about this. I hate drama...and this isn't even good for anything except fueling a 42 year old mom's addiction for life.

Oh, and if your son dies, it would be because he was a hero...not a fool. I would hope you would know I wouldn't say that. But your son also treated me as a trophy...and still does at times. Don't judge me...because I can throw things right back. I'm done being nice and standing behind things that are wrong. I am now asserting my 1st Amendment right (which you are not fighting for Adam, because it isn't in jeopardy at the moment anyway) and saying what I think.

*Name changed

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 26, 2009 and is filed under , , , , , , , , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


we need to talk. - and I don't have a profile. -Ann

That was good enough to be an olbermann special comment.

Just one quick question... does this mean I can't sleep with dogs anymore?

Were you being sarcastic Zero? Haha.

And you are more than welcome to sleep with dogs all you want to. I do the same thing. It's America. We can sleep with whatever/whoever we want. :)

Hmmm. Every time I read this I find more inaccuracies. I thought quotation marks should be used only when they are really ummm quotes.

They are quotes. Maybe you shouldn't read it with mother colored glasses "anonymous." There should be links to everything I said. If there aren't then I will definitely go back and fix it because I wouldn't want to say something that is untrue. After all, that's the bottom of the nutshell isn't it?

This, obviously, is not the same "Anonymous" as above.

I would have to say that the 42 year old woman making incredibly ridiculous comments towards you is quite immature. I laugh in the face of hypocritical Christians that throw their generally faulty accusations in the face of anyone that "does wrong," and yet, in the process of doing so, "do wrong" themselves. Stupid people, stupid ADULT. A 17 year old has managed to make herself appear more appropriate than you. And, if I'm not mistaken, she is.


Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your feedback. I welcome you to post this to friends. See what they think. I'm curious to see who else has been in this situation. I welcome good and bad feedback.

Thanks again,

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