I recently came across Things I Can’t Say. Even more so a post called, Pour Your Heart Out. The thought of just pouring your heart out about something once a week that you have been holding back was instantly intriguing and I thought today was especially a good day to do this officially.
This is my first PYHO post, so bear with me if I am not doing something right.
My parents always told me to trust my gut. And, even though my gut has had a few mishaps here recently, for the most part it is usually pretty accurate. As much as I didn’t want to believe that it was right this time, boy was it right.
Women know. They know when someone is trying to steal “their man.” Something changes. Most often, their face lights up when they mention his name or suddenly they start talking about him WAY more than they used to. Not in a “hey we just started talking and became friends and I’m excited” talking about him but a “I’m a puppy with a new toy” kinda talkin’.
You were easy to trust. You were someone I could trust with whatever was going on. You were simple. You were there. You have a boyfriend.
My, My, My how things can change.
I wasn’t worried about you talking to him because I trusted him. I know as much as you might try and dig your claws into him there was no way that he was going to come running because quite frankly, he is completely in love with me. I saw that again last night when I mentioned this all to him.
I had to, because this thing between you and him or really just you was getting in the way of our friendship/relationship and I was not about to let that happen. He realized really quick after I explained everything why it was bothering me. Especially with everything that has happened the last few days.
I’ve come to realize that you “talk” to a lot of people that are interested in me. You talk about “me.” Oh, yes you do but I’ve read the things you’ve said and I now realize the things you said weren’t for my benefit, but for yours.
I ask you what you’d been up to all day and get “studying.” As much as I would have loved to believe this, after walking into my room earlier that day and seeing you and some other guy (the same guy that is supposed to be taking me on a date the next day) it was a little hard to believe.
I found out. They always do.
Make no mistake, this guy was not someone that I am heartbroken to lose. I didn’t even know him.
It’s you that I am disappointed in. You lied to me. You’re lying to him. You know that is not OK. You don’t care.
I’m fine. I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. In you. I’m disappointed in you.
I’m also disappointed in the fact that people know, all around our little dorm about this because it was made public. I’m now the girl that wasn’t quite good enough. Actually, most people probably don’t even know who I am. They just know you have a boyfriend and he was supposed to be going on a date with me.
I don’t care honestly. I really don’t care. I’ve been shown the last few days who my true friends are and been shown the relationships that are most important to me.
It’s Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. This is me pouring my heart out saying, I’m disappointed in you but I am not going to do or say anything else because quite honestly, sometimes silence speaks louder than words.
They know though. They always do.