Someone told me recently, that when they looked in the mirror they just didn’t like what they saw. As always, the person I was talking to made perfect sense to me because I felt the exact same way.
Part of college and this part of my life is finding out who I am. At one point, I thought I was sure about everything. I had this life plan all figured out. By my Senior year of college I would be engaged and me and this fabulously attractive man that I met while Studying Abroad would be set to marry soon after I graduated. We would wait to have kids so that I could be settled in my career as an educator and so that him and I could have to just enjoy each other as a couple and then after that allotted “time together” had passed, we would have a family. From there, are a lot of thoughts about tailgating every weekend with the friends I made in college and that I had kept over the years from various things.
A lot of times when playing those games of “Who will?” I always end up being the “Who will have the career, husband, and eight kids” person. That’s fine. Quite honestly, I’ve always seen myself as that PTA mom that goes to her kid’s soccer games (or coaches them) after getting off from a long day at work and then going home and getting in bed with my husband.
I have to find me first though.
Lately, there has been a lot going on that I really couldn’t explain if I tried. I know this though, I look in the mirror and don’t like the person that is looking back at me.
A once “love life” girl has become so invested in school and work and everything else that I have forgotten what used to be the most important part of my life: living it.
I don’t like how I have treated friends recently. I don’t like how I have treated family recently. Everything else came before them and I was never like that. Used to, my family and friends came first.
So, I am going to be doing a lot of soul searching. I am rather scared of what I might find honestly. Reprioritizing is what we will call it I guess. Reevaluating. Whatever you would like the word to be.
(I Corinthians 10:13) 13 “No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
I don’t normally do this, but I would greatly appreciate everyone’s prayers for I am realizing I am not as strong as I thought I was. Nor am I as concrete in who I thought I was.
I guess I am coming to realize that I am 19 years old, and while I am mature in a lot of ways, I am not in this.
1) Take a look at yourself today and ask yourself if you are really happy with what you see. If not, make a plan to change it and reevaluate the things in your life that have caused you to be someone that you no longer wish to be.