Yesterday, I sent a message after a few days of silence that followed someone taking my head off basically saying if they were trying to cut ties and I wouldn’t let them to let me know.
I haven’t gotten a response back.
So now, begins the process. You know the process I’m talking about. It’s the normal break up process for a lot of people. Mine, however is a little different than most granted.
1) Get mad and come up with a million reasons to be mad and hate him forever. (This lasts about a week)
2) Realize how much I cared and then let the “tough” exterior I love to pose break and end up crying. (This lasts about a day).
3) Get up, put my big girl panties on, get dressed and move on.
- Be reminded of him when I come across something on the internet that reminds me of something we did.
- Hear our song on the radio.
- See a movie we loved to watch/quote come on the tv.
- Have people talk about him like they are his best friend and then ask how we are and have to explain that we are indeed done.
- Run into him and have some awkward conversation and realize that maybe it was for the best.
- Run into him and have this great conversation that just reminds me of how everything always seemed to fall into place.
- Remind myself that he is toxic and not good for me.
- Go through steps 1-3 again.
4) Get back to dating. Seriously dating, not “I hope he walks in while I’m with this super cute guy that doesn’t know how to spell his own name” dating.
5) Eventually, let someone else in and hope they are different.
6) Get let down…again…
I know one day there will be a different step 6 and one day there will be steps involving planning a wedding and having children and yada yada yada. However, for now and for comedic relief there are just six steps. Six steps to heartbreak. Six steps to recover.
And to think: There wasn’t even any drugs involved.
Instead of listing five things I am grateful for today, I am just going to list one thing today because it really encompasses everything.
- I am thankful for being able to live and love and make mistakes. I am thankful that I am able to learn from these mistakes (hopefully) and move on and focus on my schoolwork and what needs to get done.
I honestly can’t narrow down the good deeds over the past few days.
Today is a weird post, and I apologize but it is what I needed to write about. I hope tomorrow or the next day there are more interesting things for you to read about.
Sometimes throwing those love notes away is hard. Sometimes deleting those emails is hard. Sometimes deleting those Facebook messages is insanely difficult. The worst part? Deleting them from your phone. Today, if you have anything like that from an ex that doesn’t have true sentimental value, throw it away. Delete it. Get rid of it. You are better than him. Otherwise, you would be with him. Plain and simple.