Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Chemistry Class: What They Didn't Tell Me  

Posted by: Cameon in , ,


In chemistry class, we learn that if you keep certain chemicals bottled up inside for a long enough time frame, they combust. Last night the chemicals inside of me called anger, sadness, stressed and stubbornness combusted.

I have come to a point where I have realized that I simply can’t fix everything. This is a somewhat sad/shocking realization to me since all throughout my life I have tried to fix things. I tried to fix my doll when it broke. I tried to fix my friends when they were sad. I tried to fix my family when I thought something was wrong.

All throughout my life, I have been the girl that people come to for help with various things. Random people will start talking to me about their marriage issues or the problems they are having with their kids or their jobs in WalMart while I am buying groceries. This is all fine. I guess I just have a friendly face. Hopefully, or at least I hope, they just need someone to listen, and I am glad to be that person for them.

However, there are other times when they need that someone to make them feel better and boost their self confidence which I am also pretty good at. I’m famous for helping friends through breakups and making them realize that they didn’t need them anyway. They were better than him and his three other girlfriends (or vice versa). These talks usually contain copious amounts of ice cream or their favorite dessert and smash talking whichever person it was, until they realize how much they really cared about them…and then we have the tears. Repeat process, and you have a normal ritual of break ups with Cameon.

Last night, I came to terms with the fact that I had been playing the “I don’t need him,” “I’m better than him,” “Why do I care anyway?” card…and that slowly it was wearing off. I’m usually pretty strong when it comes to breakups. Most of the time actually, I simply walk away with not much else to say. I guess it was everything put together this week, but I finally came to terms with the fact that I really did care about him, and I probably always will. Those walls I built and reinforced like my Daddy taught me were being torn down.  Worse than that, I did need him and that scared me. I wasn’t better than him, because we were pretty equal. The worst part of it all though, was realizing that I not only cared, but I cared a lot. I truly miss(ed) him.

This is all different, because I’m not used to this feeling. I’ve realized that it is going to take time to get over this if I ever really want to have another shot at a somewhat decent relationship. It’s going to take going through the sad, so that I can get to the better. But, it’s part of life and I guess everyone goes through that first bad break up. I guess I had just avoided mine until now…a good bit after the fact (talk about procrastinating).

Along with the realization that I missed him, I also realized that I once had it all figured out. I thought I was ahead of the pact. When I went off to school this August, I proudly had an answer for people when they asked me what I was going to school for. I felt bad for the people that didn’t know and I couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to not know what you wanted to be when you grew up. I’ve always had a purpose and a way of doing things in my mind.

I’m not so smug now.

Teaching jobs are incredibly hard to come by in a school where you don’t risk your life everyday going into work. Even if you get that said teaching job, getting tenured is even harder. Not to mention, parents are so distraught about the public education school system, the number of kids homeschooling has millionupled (it’s a word, look it up).

I have tons of people tell me “You need to go into Journalism,” and for the longest time I thought they were crazy. Now, it seems like it could be a possibility. Journalism is an iffy field as well though, and my greatest fear in life is being picked last, or not being picked at all (Hence why I did not Rush).

I also have a friend that is going through some hard times. I realized last night, I have no idea how to help him. Most of the time, I have an answer. I can pull out my “Cameon charm” and have someone laughing in about thirty seconds and they forget (although it might be temporarily) that they were sad or unhappy about something. Not this time. I have tried everything I know to try. At the end of the day though, I’ve realized that I can’t fix everything.

He and I are so much alike that we are too nice to each other. We both say things to the other one I think, so that the other one doesn’t get mad because we both hate to fight. Because of this, he doesn’t really let me know what’s going on, and I don’t know how to help.

I’ve come to realize, that someone can only be helped if they really want to be helped. I can be a friend. I can be a shoulder. I can be support. Other than that, I can only do what they really want to be done to them.

Obviously, the last few days have been a little hard. However, I am determined that the good guy always wins. We may not get the headlines like the bad guys do, but people do notice. Hopefully.
This is what college is all about I think: Coming into who you are. I thought I had it all figured out… 
Boy, was I wrong?

Next time: Get the pedestal polished; I’ll be talking about Greek Life.

Roll Tide,
The Bama Chick


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"I'd Like To Meet" And The Annoyance Of The Whole Dang Thing  

Posted by: Cameon in , , , , ,

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last few years, I’m sure you’ve heard about MySpace. Everyone has one it seems like. Heck, my grandmother has a MySpace. Anyway, there are several sections as you know. There’s a section where you can describe yourself in however many words you need to do so. There is also a section for your favorite books, heroes, favorite movies, favorite television shows, and your “general” section. Then, there’s the ever amazing “I’d Like To Meet Section.”

This section befuddles me and is really starting to tick me off.
Realistically, how many people read the crap you post on your page? Now I write a lot because that’s the kind of person I am. But really, who reads it? In the superficial world we live in today, most of us go straight to the pictures don’t we?

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve gotten messages on MySpace that say, “Your pretty/hott/cute. Let’s talk.” (And that kinda bothers me anyway. A guy says “You have a beautiful smile,” and it might be a different story) Then, you ask them your name or even something that could have been gathered from one of the first few sentences in either section, and you don’t get a response. Now maybe I’m reading too much into that…but I don‘t think I am.

So, for the simple fact that no one reads anything you write most of the time I think I am going to leave it blank. Especially the “I’d Like To Meet Section,” which is what this is really about anyway.

How many people actually know what they want and can actually put it into words? How many people can pin point everything they want and don’t want in a person? There is a difference between need and want and in relationships, when you meet that “special someone” you might make compromises. Granted, I can see where you would put something like “I do not wish to see a murderer/kid raper” but other than that…it’s kind of up in the air. You never know, you could meet someone that isn’t anything like what you would normally consider dating and completely fall for them. Believe me, I’ve done it before.

Plus, there is that distinct factor between what you would “Like To Meet” and what you “Need To Meet.” And it’s important that you know the difference between the two. Not to mention the fact, how many people are really honest on those sections on MySpace.

If I were being honest mine would say, “I’m not big on committed relationships because most of the time, they end badly and people only get hurt. I like to go for the chase, and so far, when the chase has been over, I’ve gotten bored. I’m a flirt without meaning to be at times, and at times I know I am being one and am doing it just to tick you off and confuse your pretty little head. I am very independent and don’t need a man for anything except a sperm donation when I get ready to have kids and since I’m not ready to do that, a guy would mainly be for entertainment at this point in my life. I love sports, have an IQ even higher than Alabama’s National Championship count, and (gasp) am an opinionated person. I won’t let you run over me, and furthermore, I want a guy to have some balls and tell me what he wants and what he likes. I’m terribly sarcastic but mean what I say most of the time if it’s a serious matter and I will question your beliefs just to see if you really believe what you are saying or if you are just going with the labels.
These are the things I like now. But then again, that might change tomorrow along with my favorite player on Alabama’s Football Team.”

Now see…if I put that on my MySpace the response would be…actually it would probably be nothing. I would like to think it would end the world and make people gasp in astonishment all over the world, but realistically, no one else will probably even read this posting besides me and maybe David so the likelihood of that happening ain’t a whole heck of a lot.

But instead of having that on my MySpace I have this lovely little sentiment: “I used to have this long list of qualities I wanted in that special someone. The things I thought the person needed to be to have a real relationship. I read over it and thought, "Yeah, I want all those things, but there's more. Something I can't explain." The things I mentioned before didn't really matter as much. How old they are or whatever else seemed kinda pointless. It's very simple, and a good friend of mine said it best. "I want someone who wants me." I might very well be a hopeless romantic. I want that love that people envy. I want that love where the person runs at you to see you, even if they saw you five minutes ago. I want that love where I'm not the only one giving everything. I want that love where I know, no matter the age or past, it's where I need to be. I want that love where the other person genuinely cares about me and will allow me to care about them. I want someone that wants me. I'm not hard to understand but I catch guys off guard in relationships sometimes I guess. I'm not that girl that will cling to your every move. I am very independent. I have my own agenda and my own things to do. I'll gladly spend time with you, but I won't plan my day around you. I'm not the jealous type. If all of your friends are girls...that doesn't bother me. If you are still best friends with your ex...so be it. If you tell me you two are just friends I'll believe you because I trust the people I'm with. I won't call you every night or expect you to call me every night. I won't get mad if you get busy and forget to call me back. I'm not that girl. I'm not that girl that is going to look into the future and worry herself over what the relationship is doing. In my opinion, if it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. There are other fish in the sea. However, don't take me being me as not liking you because that might not be true. If I wasn't interested, I would tell you. Believe me. You have to talk to me and let me know what's wrong. I can't read minds, nor do I expect you to be able to. I'm not going to beg you to open up to me. Like I said, if it happens it does, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. Simple as that.”

Cute and fluffy right? Like a little puppy…except I’m not cute and fluffy…and I’m definitely not like a puppy. So see my point?

We all write things that we think will make people go “oooohhh and ahhhh” at but sometimes, the things we really think are actually the things that might make people gasp.

Thanks for reading David and anyone else and I encourage any and all opinions.

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The Way I Look At Love  

Posted by: Cameon in , , ,

The way I look at love;

1. Love is something that is truly amazing. It really can't be explained, but sometimes the unexplainable things are the best things.

2. Love is something that isn't found very often anymore. We trick ourselves into thinking we love someone, when really, we are in love with being in love.

3. Love is tricky...because we may not want love, but that's just because we don't want the things that come with love.

4. Love is said to be simple. We give up on love because things get hard and we think that because we get in a fight it isn't love. Love isn't supposed to be easy...it's supposed to require work.

5. Love is being able to get through the fights and the arguments and still being able to talk everything out and be OK. Better than OK actually. Better than you were before the fight.

6. Love isn't what it used to be. Along with the text messaging, IM, and email...love has become impersonal.

7. Love is something everyone wants...from someone...even if they don't admit it.

8. Love is that one thing, that no matter how hard you try, once you love someone and it ends, you can't forget it. It's like that reoccurring nightmare that you have...where you love someone and end up getting hurt.

9. Love is the most abused word used when people are drunk/high/etc, and in the general language.

10. Love is hard to find and doesn't always happen when/with who you think it will. And, if you think you have it, fight to keep it. Don't be so closed off to finding it in unexpected places, because you never know.

When I heard my new profile song from Michael Warren for the first time, the first people that popped into my head were my great-grandparents, grandparents, and great aunt and uncle.

These people have shown me more about love than anyone ever could. They defy the statistics. They give meaning to the word love without even meaning to. They show an example without even meaning to. They simply love each other...until death do them part...and that's all there is.

You know that look someone gets when they really like someone and realize that they want them? Yeah...a buddy of mine called them "hungry eyes," and that really describes what it is. All of those people mentioned have those.

Everytime I see my PawPaw and NaNa look at each other I can see how much they love each other. It's amazing. Every time I saw my great grandfather and mother look at each other, there was nothing but pure addoration in their eyes. Every time I saw my aunt and uncle look at each other...those eyes...they were something to marvel. You could literally see the love in their eyes.

My great grandfather is probably one of the strongest people I know. He made it through the Great Depression, World War II, The Vietnam War, September 11th, and the War on Terror. Not only that, he made it through having an alcoholic father and raising his brothers and sisters with his mother. He repaired old violins, was an exterminator, and an array of other things, just to support his family. Him and my great grandmother were married 68 (almost 69) years when my great grandmother passed away. Before she died, she was put into a room at their assistant living facitlity, and he requested to share a room with her so that they could spend time together. He wanted to be there with her through it all...until the end...no matter the cost.

I'd never seen this man shed the slightest tear...the slightest sense of pain, hurt, or defeat. Until the day my great grandmother died. I saw one of the strongest men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing crumble at the sight of his diseased wife. Talk about a tear jerker. His words when he recovered? Simply, "I'll always love her. I can't make it without her." He died a year later...physically anyway. But we all saw that when she died, she took the best part of him with her. They made each other...they were each other. They were a part of each other...and a half doesn't mean a whole lot unless the other half is there.

My grandparents are much the same way. They have been married close to 50 years. They get on each other's nerves. They have their little tiffs. Just like my great grandparents, they do things that makes the other one crazy. NaNa once told me, "Sometimes I could ring his neck, but I'll always love him." You can see the look of worry when something happens to one of them. They are both getting older, and you can see the worry on their faces when something happens to the other one. They too, are parts of each other...and they balance each other out.

Love is amazing...it's something that can't be explained. However, it might just be something we can watch happen...or fall into without even knowing it. It doesn't follow any certain rules or guidelines...it's just there for the taking.

In a world where everything is so against love...it can be hard to see how love can survive. But, that's the greatest thing about it...it can survive anything. If you want it to. And it's all about want. You have to want to be loved before you can be loved...otherwise, it doesn't work.

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